Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
