What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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