There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize