We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
