then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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