maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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