Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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