peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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