Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
