I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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