her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
