On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize