You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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