oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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