dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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