Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize