You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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