she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
