Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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