Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
