Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
