we're chasing vodka with high fives
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize