omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
