i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
