Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
