Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
