he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize