I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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