Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
