he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
