i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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