It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When did angry sex become our thing?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
