Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
