Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
