remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
