I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
