im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
