is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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