Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
