Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
