i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
