We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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