hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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