the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
