Its about making memories worth repressing
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
