You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
