ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize