Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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