Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
