So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
