and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He shit in the fireplace
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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