Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize