that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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