so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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