Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
