doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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