u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
