I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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