bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
