I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
