Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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