My hair reeks of homosexuality.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
