you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
