Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
