I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
