just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
