...so i touched it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
