two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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