Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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