Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
