Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
