Your mouth is God's brothel.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
