You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
