dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
