i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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