he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize