So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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