on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
