Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
