She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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