There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
